| It's always around this time of year that I become so restless.Why? New beginnings always make me nervous.
Last year I was doing the same thing, staying up late and blogging. I realize that I could have been better off sleeping on time and taking a breather by biking or something but it's not something I can do as of now... and I end up doing some of the most stupidest things.
To be honest, I wish I could plop my head on my pillow like my boyfriend once the clock hits 10 pm.
But I have more heartache within myself to even go to sleep. I have so many thoughts.
I miss the feeling of having someone to share it with at the early hours of the morning but I don't.
There aren't that many people around that would be willing to do that , understand and feel the same way.
It makes me miss the feeling of being young and curling up beside my mom...there was so much comfort sleeping beside her.Sometimes words of advice can't soothe the aching *cat curls onto lap.
I guess the thoughts that come across my mind is did I make the people in my life happy today?
and the answer is no. I feel like there is something wrong with me.I wish I had a better relationship with my family and friends.I am trying to better me to better my life...however,the process is so very lonely and degrading...I look to God and then I look into my heart.. I wish I had someone
to listen and speak to me ...back.
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| I just happened to find my old weblog entries on xanga when I was in middle school.
It dates from the day I entered sixth grade till the end of my freshman year in Highschool.
Reading them was a headache. I talk about my series of 'Depressed days'I experienced both at school
and home.I really annoy myself just hearing about the emotional rants, really they were nothing.
I have to admit though that some were honest and there were entries in there that you'd think would
qualify for a Memoir of the depressed teen.I have to give prop's to my reader's back then haha.
This is a glimpse of 'Anais as a Pre-Teen'.:
  
And to think I was dramatic. Sheesh. The last photo with my mom
marks the end of those crazy years...just about.
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| There is a point in a relationship were physical contact isn't to die for...
when simply knowing that your special loved one's existence & happiness is just enough.
Being at college with a long distance relationship has taught me to
hold on tight to my pillow, dream sweetly of him, wake again to hear his voice, wait for time to pass
and live to love in the present as we run up to each other once again.
It isn't easy but my heart has never felt so strong before.
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| When I was small, I had a small hope of thinking that maybe, just maybe I get open someone's eyes.
What do you do? What do you say? when someone tells you that you've opened their eyes. That by opening their eyes you have exposed them to a most sad and evil world they weren't exposed to before. When they say My life was happier before... I felt happier being blind and sometimes ignorant.
I feel like I've crushed another human being and in return I feel crushed.
I never ever in my life wanted this, not like this.
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| So years I spent sulking over the imperfections of my body, came to an end this spring break. I finally feel accepted and secure by someone other than my family (who've seen over the years the constant complaining about wearing bathing suits).
It feels good.
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